Battling Guilt
Last week we had a wonderful surprise visit from family. We already had a full week planned, and a few important events, but they were in town and folded right into the activities. It added a layer of fun and excitement to do things "with the cousins" for my kids, and Jeff and I enjoyed the time to sit and talk with the adults.
I mentioned that it was already full, right? Well, part of that full schedule was because we needed time to pack, pick up and leave for a week long camp we attend every summer. I ALWAYS think it will only take a few minutes to pack, but after the 2 hours has passed I sit amazed at how long it takes to gather everything needed for camp! CAMP! That should take 5 minutes/person, we're talking CAMP, not a relaxing vacation at the beach. Anyway.
As time ticked by, I began to feel guilty, and that quickly morphed into not just guilt, but feeling horrible for how much time I was giving to packing for the next thing, and how little I was giving to our visiting family. Sigh.
The next day I was talking with an old friend and she started to share her heart and how she feels guilty all the time. Guilty when she can't do something with someone, or guilty when she doesn't read to her kids or enjoy the current stage of their childhood. We both agreed that our kids are growing too fast and trying to slow life down enough to enjoy them seems to be impossible. So then we feel guilty about THAT.
Ugh. The frustrations of living in this fallen world.
So, I've been praying through this and asking the Lord to show me why this is such a struggle for me right now. He showed me two areas where I have been slacking. The first has to do with how much of His Word I am feasting on during the day. I had been in a great habit of memorizing large chunks of Scripture and have fallen from that these past few months. When I am actively working on Scripture memorization I am focused on things above (Col 3:2) and in a sense speaking truth to myself. Its been said that one of the biggest problems Christians have is that they listen to themselves instead of speaking truth to themselves. Bible memorization is a great way to battle that.
Secondly, and this is probably tied into the first, I have become way too concerned with the opinions of others. My focus has been on fulfilling others and their opinions instead of the opinion of my Lord. He ultimately is the one I need to walk before in integrity. Absolutely, we should be concerned with others and serving them, but that must come as the overflow of our walk with Christ and pleasing Him as our Lord. Oftentimes I get that in reverse order. Jesus taught that the Greatest Commandment is loving God with every part of you FIRST, then loving others (Matt 22:37-40).
Struggling with guilt serves as a thermostat of who I really am living for, and how much of Him I'm focused on throughout the day. It's a symptom of something much deeper.
I mentioned that it was already full, right? Well, part of that full schedule was because we needed time to pack, pick up and leave for a week long camp we attend every summer. I ALWAYS think it will only take a few minutes to pack, but after the 2 hours has passed I sit amazed at how long it takes to gather everything needed for camp! CAMP! That should take 5 minutes/person, we're talking CAMP, not a relaxing vacation at the beach. Anyway.
As time ticked by, I began to feel guilty, and that quickly morphed into not just guilt, but feeling horrible for how much time I was giving to packing for the next thing, and how little I was giving to our visiting family. Sigh.
The next day I was talking with an old friend and she started to share her heart and how she feels guilty all the time. Guilty when she can't do something with someone, or guilty when she doesn't read to her kids or enjoy the current stage of their childhood. We both agreed that our kids are growing too fast and trying to slow life down enough to enjoy them seems to be impossible. So then we feel guilty about THAT.
Ugh. The frustrations of living in this fallen world.
So, I've been praying through this and asking the Lord to show me why this is such a struggle for me right now. He showed me two areas where I have been slacking. The first has to do with how much of His Word I am feasting on during the day. I had been in a great habit of memorizing large chunks of Scripture and have fallen from that these past few months. When I am actively working on Scripture memorization I am focused on things above (Col 3:2) and in a sense speaking truth to myself. Its been said that one of the biggest problems Christians have is that they listen to themselves instead of speaking truth to themselves. Bible memorization is a great way to battle that.
Secondly, and this is probably tied into the first, I have become way too concerned with the opinions of others. My focus has been on fulfilling others and their opinions instead of the opinion of my Lord. He ultimately is the one I need to walk before in integrity. Absolutely, we should be concerned with others and serving them, but that must come as the overflow of our walk with Christ and pleasing Him as our Lord. Oftentimes I get that in reverse order. Jesus taught that the Greatest Commandment is loving God with every part of you FIRST, then loving others (Matt 22:37-40).
Struggling with guilt serves as a thermostat of who I really am living for, and how much of Him I'm focused on throughout the day. It's a symptom of something much deeper.